Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Ugly Truth: Adoptions cost real money. So what is the cost of Adoption?

It is the truth, adoptions cost money. And no, it isn't the same as buying a baby. Well, if you are that unethical, indeed there are people and countries who will sell you a baby, but the thought of that is so disgusting to the majority of adoptive parents that I won't even dignify it with a comment.

Most USA adoption agencies, be they international or domestic are non-profit organizations. Some are more non-profit than others. By this I mean there is a span of what the directors and employees earn. I mean 60k to 190k or more. Because of their tax and legal status this is all available publicly, so while this probably won't be the biggest influencing factor in your agency decision, it is nice to know what your adoption dollars are supporting.

So why do adoptions cost money? Ahh, there are a lot of reasons. First the practical. There are administrative costs for your agency, who indeed has to pay people to show up every day, answer the phone, know the business. Adoption without an agency is likely to end you up in a very unscrupulous situation unless you've paid the right FOR PROFIT people (aka lawyers) to get it done ethically.

Second you've got the administrative costs on the other end. Internationally this means everything from court and legal fees, medical fees, orphanage donations, and hiring of staffing in the foreign country. Domestically this can mean anything and everything including hospital and prenatal care for the birth mother. And for both you've got the fees and add-ons that make our own country turn, fbi report here, immigration expense there, etc.

Third, internationally, equalling nearly half of the adoption expense in countries with long stays, travel and housing in country costs a bundle. Think about staying 6 weeks in a hotel... just the cost of that is thousands of dollars. Many places with international adoption needs are the kind of places where middle of the road housing doesn't exist. You've either got tourist hotel or hovel. Others, like Moscow, are expensive expensive cities. Imagine staying in a simple Holiday Inn in NYC for 6 weeks, and you've probably got the expense just about right. The flight costs are also hefty because a)you often have very little notice so discount rates are bye bye as are frequent flyer miles. And, often, your child-to-be doesn't live in an international gateway. Another flight (or two!!!) are required to get there. And for those countries requiring 2 trips, this is going to happen to you twice!

Fourth, you've got grease the wheels money. I wish I could say this didn't exist, but anyone who thinks it doesn't is majorly in denial. Countries that are poor are often also corrupt. At least to some extent.... they go hand in hand. That is one of the reasons they are poor. Whenever there is a large dichotomy between the classes you will find 'inflated prices' for services. Americans, Britons, the French, Italians and Canadians most likely aren't going to pass as Russian, Bulgarian, Kazakh, Vietnamese etc. It is a Catch 22, as paying it breeds more grease money, but not paying breeds fewer children who make it out of institutional hell. And it would be nice to say that refusing this behavior will end it, but in my experience, be it beggars in Cairo, rental apartments in Buenos Aires, or the local rate in Girona, Spain, when there is the reality or perception of wealth differential this "added tax" is a fact of life.

I choose to look at #4 this way anyhow. I have travelled the world over and have also chose not to get roaring angry when the cab driver in Bolivia charges me 4x the amount as a local because it is what it is, and they wouldn't be doing it if a)they didn't really need to, and b)they couldn't unilaterally get away with it. And sometimes, when I stop to think about it I realize 60 boliviano's really is only $2.50 and my outrage base on principle makes me one first world idiot. It is worth the extra $1.50 to get a peaceful cab ride. At least its for a service performed that I asked for.

Personally, the part of the equation that is most unsettling to me is the orphanage donation part. What!!!!? you say!!!! Before your indignation makes you click off to the comments section with a nasty-gram, let me explain. Yes, I too want to save the children. All of them, everywhere. I have actually had first hand contact with needy children in my travels. Its ridiculously heart-wrenching. BUT... yes, here's the but, the orphanage donation part of the equation is the part that tends to go the corruptest the fastest. Yes it is true, $2000 dollars might be a good sum to you, but to an orphanage where children live on $1.45 a day, this is an enormous sum. Now multiply that by the 30-100 adoptions that happen every year at that orphanage and you can see what I'm saying. Just who, exactly, is benefitting most from this 'donation'?

Money like that leads quickly to a)orphanages seeking children to adopt out, b)orphanages giving favors to adoption agencies or programs 'donating' the most, and c)some very well off orphanage directors and employees. Now this isn't every case. But systematic 'required' or even 'suggested' donations aren't the same as real donations and we all know it. And in many cases the money once donated isn't in the donatees hands as to how it is used. Heck, we generally don't even understand the language.

Anyhow, I will step off my soapbox now, as I don't know how to change this, particularly as many countries support this method of adoptive practice. If it makes you feel better (it does me), it isn't just for adoption. As an example, the Russian government treats even basic tourists to their form of governmentally approved extortion. Not only do you need to pay a visa, but you also have to get someone who 'knows' you to sponsor you in country. Now how many of you know someone in Russia? Exactly. So, basically there are people who will sponsor you for the minor fee of $100 dollars. And this is just for the privilege of stepping foot in their country, you can imagine how the average business in Russia works. And Russia is not alone, lets just say that.

I guess the bottom line is to what extent for YOU makes sense as far as weighing the prices to be paid. What is the boundary for you where it becomes morally, ethically or principally too much and it is better off for all children of the sending country if you do not adopt the one child. And there is a level, as bad as it sounds. Yes, the one child will most definitely be better served to be adopted, but at what cost to future children. Its a VERY tough call. The children in todays orphanages are not going to benefit from orphanage reform 15 years from now - so what do we do til then? Sacrifice them for the greater good?

Hard hard.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A difficult issue for me, at least

I might have mentioned I live in South Carolina: Charleston specifically. This is the city of my dreams, after living for 13 years in my other favorite city in the USA: NYC. I spent summer vacations in an around Charleston through all of my formative years, I have always loved the romance and beauty of the city, and eventually I got myself here permanently.

The thing is, while I did all this adoptive imagining in NYC, where resources and options are more than plentiful - bountiful - Charleston, as lovely and sophisticated as it is, isn't on par population or multi-culturalness as places in the north east.

Of course in picking my placement agency that wasn't an issue - I had them all the choose from. Unfortunately, my home study agency has to come from South Carolina....and due to mileage considerations, the closer to Charleston, the better.

Anyone who has been watching the adoption headlines knows that several of the South Carolina adoption agencies have not had the greatest track record. Not all of them, of course, but hmmmmm. I have to say too that those that I have attempted to contact regarding my homestudy have been less than impressive. And this, my dears, is scary. I mean, even the evil scary ones are supposed to lull you into submitting that first payment to them. But nothing. They don't even want to email or call me back. Its ridiculous:

me: dear agency, I need a homestudy and I will pay you money. I live in Charleston. I understand we share a state.
agency: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
me: I'm sorry, here is an email/phone message I thought I sent/left, but I must have messed up. Please contact me regarding my questions about your home study process, fees and timeframe.
agency: (2 weeks pass by) Please fill out this application form, pay x dollars and we will be in touch.
me: (to myself) FU.

So here I sit, with no home study agency, which is a major issue, as this is the very first big step. argh.

Fortunately, my placement agency heard my thinly veiled email complaints and basically bent over backwards to supply me with every name of every agency that could possible work (I need one with Hague accreditation). Now I've just got to make some more phone calls.

argh. I am disgusted.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

My adoption fears

There are no real statistics online (or maybe anywhere) for how many adoptions go wrong. Even the statistics perhaps grudgingly given by each adoption agency on number of 'disrupted adoptions' doesn't really get it right. There are plenty of adoptions which don't work, even though the family continues to be family. This is my number one fear: my adoption will not work out. But I have tons of fears about this process. Some days I feel overwhelmed by them and think I am setting myself up for disaster.

Other days I try to keep the fear in check. Today is not one of those days. I read an article on a Canadian woman who summarized Kazakhstan as one of 'the most corrupt' adoption processes out there. She was presented baby after baby and child after child who were sick children, despite she was told there were healthy children available. My second biggest fear. And as much research and reading as I do, I cannot connect these dots. How is it that some parents report that they meet a few children, all look pretty good and healthy, and they go home with a little son or daughter. And then you have the others where it seems that someone in that process all along was planning on screwing them?

Anyhow, in short, here's what I worry about on freakout days, and I'm pretty sure its not abnormal.

1)I bring home a child who has attachment disorders or other permanent emotional disorders and bonding never occurs
2)I go to Kazakhstan for my adoption and all I find is lie after lie after corruption and bribes
3)I am shown only children that I am not prepared to adopt
4)I find that the medical reports etc are lying and my child has some severe medical issue that was covered up.
5) I find that my child has some severe medical issue that was UNdiagnosed!
6)The adoption process in Kazakhstan stops for whatever reason, and after waiting for a year or more I will have done all this for nothing
7) Fooling so long with the adoption and having it not work out, and then finding out that I waited too long to have a biological child.

I also have fleeting, what if this whole thing is a mistake stuff, but that actually is pretty rare.

Monday, April 13, 2009

So which countries do allow Single Parent Adoptions?

Okay, here's the facts ma'ams (and sir's), nothing but the facts.

Fewer countries today allow singles to adopt. There is no doubt about it. China, the largest sending country of in-need children to the USA codified new laws restricting many potential parents from adoption, including singles, obese, those with chronic health issues, and those who had even taken an anti-depressant. This change, in 2007, by itself was a significant blow to single parents everywhere. This is where Daisy, Meg Ryans daughter was born, and had been the number 1 option for singles. It was (and still is, btw, if you are a happily married couple with no health issues) one of the most ethical, stable and least costly countries to adopt from.

Last year, Guatemala was effectively shut down because enough systematic corruption in the adoption system there deemed that as an appropriate move. Vietnam, same story. Ditto for Cambodia. Kryzykhstan will soon be following. For several years Bulgaria has effectively stopped any adoptions to the USA as well, while it worked on their Hague program compliancy. Theoretically they are opened to singles, however I see no evidence that any non special needs children are being referred to non-EU nations. With maybe the exception of Bulgaria, I honestly do not see evidence that any of these countries programs will be open to US citizens in the short to medium term.

This is all happening at a time where single parent adoption has received enough good (and bad) media coverage for it to gradual become something thought of as possible in the social consciousness of singles and our society in general.

So this brings me to my point. Where can a single person focus their adoptive hopes and dreams realistically if they wish to adopt a non-special needs child? Here's what my months of research have found.


1)USA foster care. The average age of referred child is 5 years old, so you will most likely not be receiving an infant child. Which btw, is good for many singles, including those just not willing to go through that not sleeping through the night stuff. There are many things to consider with older child adoption, which tend to come with their own additional risks and rewards, but, this is a viable option. Many foster care children are hopeful to be reunited with birth families, but there are also children in every state whose parental rights have been terminated for cause. Children's ethnicity is split pretty evenly between the three major US populations: I believe the stats are 33% Caucasian, 31% African American, and 26% Hispanic.

2) Russia. This is the second largest referring countries of in-need children to the USA. It is an extremely large decentralized system, which has many children in desperate need, but also tends to be not as stable as many programs, starting and stopping with infuriating regularity. That said, many good healthy adoptions are completed each year from this country. It is one of, if not the most expensive programs. Because of a large holding period before release from the state-system, you would be fooling yourself to expect a child younger than 18 months. Children are of primarily caucasian/russian decent, though some asian heritage is also found.

3) Ethiopia. This has been an extremely popular choice for singles during the past two years: the country has much need, the infants are generally well cared for, and the system works effectively and efficiently sending children at a very young age (sometimes as young as 3 or 4 months) greatly reducing the traumatic consequences of institutional care. Because of the surge in numbers of singles due to the shutdown of programs mentioned above, Ethiopia has created a quota system for single parents. I believe this to be 10 singles per agency per year. So realistically this means that you will probably have a little bit of a wait, and go on the 'waiting list' at a reputable agency. Fees for this country are reasonable and travel time is minimal.

4) Kazakhstan. This former Soviet Republic has a centralized reasonably stable system. Children are between the ages of 8 months and a year generally at referral. One key difference in this program is that a parent must stay in country a minimum of 3 weeks for the first trip, to comply with state mandated bonding time, and then can either stay on an addition 2 or 3 weeks to finalize the adoption, or return for a second trip. Because of the extensive travel costs involved, Kazakhstan is also an expensive option. Children are primarily of asian decent.

5) USA - yes singles can adopt. The USA adoption system is a private one, meaning the birthmom chooses the parents either during pregnancy or shortly after birth. There are no statistics which state how many single parents acheive adoption this way, however, if you are significantly above average is some way that will make you stand out from the crowd of two parent, 1 dog, 1 cat, churchgoing, 3 car garage suburbanites it might be worth a shot. Contact a good reputable adoption attorney. I think the wait might be long, and the chances not high, but it is not impossible. Callista Flockhart adopted this way.

6) Taiwan. Similar to the USA system, Taiwan is a private adoption system where the birth mom will select the parents of the child. This will require a good adoption attorney/ private adoption agency and in country agency to ascertain the statistical likelihood of this option. Single applicants should expect to be adopting older children.

7) Armenia. This is a relatively (okay, very) small program that until recently was closed to all but adoptive parents of Armenia and Christian heritage. This has recently changed and now allows all ethnic backgrounds and mainstream faiths. This program does insist that you are active in your faith however. There is only one agency (maybe two) that I know work in this country however, it does seem to work well, and from most accounts I've heard people are indeed happy with the program and agency. I believe the costs are reasonable too.

8) Georgia. I see this program as similar to the Armenia program. It is very small, but adoptions are open to singles. There are very few active agencies in Georgia, and it would be important to discuss the actual process with recently adoptive families. I cannot verify this, but I have a suspicion there will be a strong preference, if not requirement for a active Christian background.

8) Brazil. This program is available to singles, though doesn't seem to make the radar as often. The process is longer than most and the costs are higher, and similar to Kazakhstan, in country required stays are as long as a month. Children will be above the age of 3, which again may suit some parental preferences.

9) India. The country is open to singles, and also only will have available children 3 or above. It is worth noting that parents of Indian heritage are given strong preference. The time period to adopt after referral is longer than most, averaging around a year. The fees for India are some of the more reasonable currently available to singles.

10) Mexico. Despite its proximity the number of adoptions from US citizens of Mexican minors remains around 100 a year. This program is open to singles however, the Mexican government makes a very genuine effort to place children within Mexico and with relatives, sometimes at the risk of allowing children to spend much needless time in state care. Though infants are reported to be available from the age of 4 months, I would suspect that this is very rare. Parents hoping to adopt from Mexico should expect pre-school aged referrals. The adoption process in Mexico is reported to be rather difficult and complicated so finding a reputable agency is a bit more difficult that other countries. However, as the process is decentralized (authority is at the state level) it is imperative to do your homework and get a good agency or facilitator.

Not listed but are open for singles: Haiti, Nepal. You can take your chances with these adoption programs. It is my believe that these programs are rife with corruption and will be risky for both your time, money, and mental health, and your participation in these programs could be hindering the cause of the children as a whole. I see Haiti and entering this dead zone. Nepal is coming out of the deadzone, but preliminary indications are that the problems have not been remedied. I could be wrong, but I would wait and see if your heart is set on Nepal. Bulgaria, as I mentioned in the opening, is one where the program looks like its got itself sorted, however, until real referrals are happening, I think its also a wait and see.

There are of course other options, this list is hardly exhaustive. Things change quickly so while I'm pretty sure this information is accurate as of today, tomorrow it may be different!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The benefits of adoptive 'birth' vs live birth

Tonight I was out drinking at a sushi restaurant where I broke one of my newly established rules of not telling new people too much. I am just too excited at the moment to keep my big flap shut. Thankful, my new friend Sandy was happy for me. She said, "you're expecting!! Lets have a toast!" Now thats not something a normal expectant mom would probably be hearing. I'm sure the people in the next booth over were highly disturbed, but thats what they get for eavesdropping. It got me to thinking about the so-called benefits (for lack of a better term), of the adoption process. Often, adoptive parents of infants tend to reflect more often on those thing that you miss out on and the negatives. So, its quite fun to think about things with a twist. So here's my list:

1)I can drink unabashedly through all 9-12 ( or even 15+) months while expecting.
2)I have the chance to really do all those things that I want to do, without worrying about bonking the baby in the head.
3) my body will not have to lose baby weight and snap back after the physical toll that pregnancy tends to do the 35 year old women.
4) I can travel and get the rest of this travel bug out of my system for the time being. I know its crazy, but it is hard for me, as it is one of my true passions.
5) My sleep will not be disturbed UNTIL the baby gets here
6) No morning sickness (unless I do too much of #1)
7) Strangers don't have to know I'm expecting. They won't ask me when my baby is do, or decide rubbing my belly is socially acceptable!
8) I can be nearly 100% sure my child will have no birth defects such as down syndrome, asperger's.
9) My daily dose of excedrin, coffee, and any sort of cold medicine I might need to take is FAIR GAME!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Will I ever date again??!

The real question is do I really care?

No, but seriously, in the 80s when I was a kid I heard quoted over and over that single women or divorcees over the age of 40 had a better chance of getting struck by lightning then getting married. Seemed logical to me. This despite the fact that after my parents divorced, they both married (happily this time, for the most part) within the following 5 years. It was my stepmom's second marriage, and my stepfather's ex-wife also quickly remarried. My childhood friend's mom married at least 4 men. My greatgrandmother, Stella, of the NYC flapper era, also managed 4 husbands. Heck, minus a person or two, everyone whom I knew as a child who got a divorce in those heady neon 80s days was remarried before I left childhood. But you know, there were those statistics, and we all know there's no refuting those hard numbers :)

And now here's my story. Before I met the most recently 'potential "THE ONE"' I had already researched adoption. As I've mentioned, I've been drawn to adoption for a very long time. The thing is, I stuffed all the adoption stuff under the mattress when I fell in love. I never even brought it up. And as life would have it, it never became an issue with us because when push came to shove nearly 3 years later, it was clear neither of us were ready for kids WITH EACH OTHER. Going through this relationship made me ready to do this on my own. If someone were to come around again, and I do hope they do someday, I will not change what I want in life to 'have this relationship'. Yes my relationship will be important, but it will not be the most important thing in my life.

And who knows, maybe with that attitude the right someones will start standing tall in the pack.

Now, truth be told, I do think for the first year or two, its going to be a no-go. I can't say for sure, but all indications are that I'm not going to have the time to *want* to go out and make small talk with a practical stranger. I think this is more than half the battle, wanting to put in the effort. Also, as I get older, growing closer to the generation that precedes me, I'm beginning to feel that many of those women who end up single through middle age are single because they don't want to settle or waste the time and they'd rather be single, doing what's really important to them, than not with the right person. So, my guess is my time will be focused on my kid, my family, and keeping my dear friends close, while making new mommy contacts locally. A few years back, this scared me a little, the thought of maybe being alone (gasp) forever! Not any longer, maybe it's the power of being firmly in my 30s!

Anyhow, despite dire predictions, and pressing time constraints, and my okay-ness with being single (gasp) forever, I do think eventually there will be some special man in my life. My mom did it in the 80s (though I think she also got struck by lightning... really), and I will be able to as well, because I believe the things that I bring to the table are worth it and attractive to others. Self confidence first among those!

And in the meantime, after nearly 20 twenty years of constant serial relationships, I'm just going to enjoy what is in my life and not worry about it for even a second. I've practically BEEN married for the last 10. Being single, truly anxiety-free single, is kinda great actually.

Monday, April 6, 2009

To tell or not to tell... who should be "in" on this adoption?

It was easier talking to people about this when it was just a maybe. Yes, sometimes I was shocked at people's reaction. Most were good, but some were absolutely horrified that a well educated girl who is financial secure and emotionally healthy would even consider being a single mother! Egads, the horror!

For example: I was reading a book on single mother adoption on a train ride a few months back and this lady who had been sitting with me pleasantly and chatting for several hours saw it, and proceeded to tell me she though what I was doing was horrible. Not that I asked or brought up the subject. She then managed to say a couple of incredible rude comments, and declaring herself a good Christian pushed passed me. I have no idea how she justifies her unbelievable closemindedness, judgementalness and rudeness as Christian. People like that burn me up: she ruined my day and made herself a horrendous reflection on a religion that prides itself on kindness to others. Of course you wouldn't be reading this rude lady, because that would be a mind-expanding exercise, but I can tell you there are PLENTY of Christian, Jewish and other very religious single mothers by choice out there! Whew, its been 2 months and I'm still mad about this :)

What has been great so far in the 'I might be doing this phase' of my life was that nearly ALL people who know me well, and matter to me, were very positive. Whew. And I really did worry about it!

So now that I have made the decision and actually sent in a few dollars backing my decision up, who to tell, who to tell. I guess its a little like getting pregnant in that you don't want to tell too soon. "What if it doesn't happen!" I tell myself. Though its different from getting pregnant as most people are very supportive of pregnant mamas. I am not so sure of the real supportiveness of all my friends and acquaintances. And I've found that even though 95% of them will be supportive, I'm not really ready to have even one critical friend right now.

So here's what I've decided: I have a great group of women friends who were by my side for more than a decade of our 20s and 30s living life large. They are irreplaceable. I am going to tell all of them (there are 6 of them), as even if I tell one of them word would get out faster than a wildfire anyway. We now live in 4 different states among the 6 of us, but they are still very close, and I just don't think I want to go through this process without them. 2 of them, the ones with children of their own (us NYers move very slow on the mommy track!) I've already told... and the rest will follow in the next week or so.

BUT, aside from them, and my parents and siblings, I am not telling anyone else. A lot of the relationships I have down here in Charleston are new, and I just don't want to be judged on this just yet. Not everyone approves of single motherhood by choice, which is their prerogative, yet at the same time blab on and on about how inspiringly independent and resourceful I am. What do you think?

Unlike pregnancy, I can pretty much keep this up until there is a little one in my home! I'm not sure I will take it this far, but I am considering it.

Newish friend: "Can you come to dinner tonight"
Me: "What are you serving?"
Newish friend, slightly annoyed: "Shrimp, grits and chardonnay"
Me: "Sorry, my daughter won't eat that, she's still struggling with the gerber apricot"
Newish friend: "who is this?"

Sunday, April 5, 2009

More and more research: Domestic vs. International Adoption

Adoption is not for the faint of heart.  I can already say that and I'm just getting started.    First, there is deciding where to adopt from.    For me, this was made easier by being a single mom and choosing to start my mommyhood with an infant child.    


Despite what many people choose to believe, domestic adoption currently has about 5 times as many waiting parents for infants as their are actual infants to be adopted.  Thats why you see these ads everywhere saying 'we will be great parents to your child' or the like.   The US, fortunately, has come a long way since the 50s where single mothers were treated as pariahs and the children were often abandoned or quickly brought to orphanages.   Since then, the stigma of single motherhood has vanished and birthcontrol methods have brought down the number of babies put up for adoption.   Not only that, but as study after study has shown the horrible effects on children in institutional settings, the USA now has a foster care system.  It isn't perfect, but it is a holy heck of a lot better than the orphanage system of the past!  

So, anyway, to get back to the point, domestic infants have plenty of options in our country, and while there are definitely children to adopt through the foster care system, most are older, and many are there in hopes of being reunited with their birth family.  Which, by the way, in most cases is a very good thing.    If I was choosing to adopt an older child though, I would definitely give this a try.  Maybe one day I might!

So, on to international adoption.  Oh, the horror stories.  And they are horrible. Corruption, fraud, bribery, baby stealing, and the list goes on.   But the thing is many many children are adopted each year that are not touched by these things.    Just how do you pick the right country, and the right agency to guide you through the minefield? The key here is research.  Research like you've never researched before.     Like you had to write a thesis on it!

I can tell any potential adoptive parent (pap) that I researched for months.  I contacted probably 10 agencies, narrowed it down to 4, then to 2, and then I just knew.   Well, wait a second, thats not exactly the truth.    I knew enough to summon up the faith required in adoptions.  

Not that I go on faith alone mind you. But I'll get to that.   Along with talking to agencies I spoke with multiple recently created adoptive families.  There are great online resources for this.   I talked and talked and posted and read.    I quit the whole research process twice, spooked.   But I came back.  I read some books on adoption and reviewed the forums yet again with adoption advice.

At some point you will find an agency whose got a lot of good recent reviews, works in a country that you feel good about and you qualify for, and you personally really feel good about.  For me it was the director working with me on the contract.   After reviewing financial contracts for most of my adult life, I can tell you that all of the ones I saw were grossly in favor of the adoption agency, which in my opinion is in direct opposition to an ethical adoption.    This is where I decided where faith would end and legalese would take over.   And my agency was okay with my concerns.   Anyhow, to each her own, but the stars that made a difference for me lined up and I jumped in. In the middle of the night, ran out in the pouring rain and put the preapplication in the mail :).   Some things are better done dramatically.

Now, here's where real faith will start, because now, aside from doing enormous amounts of paperwork, everything is in the hands of 3 groups of people: my agency (acting as my advocate, and the child's advocate), our government, and other country's government.   

Do you want to know which country my little one will hail from?  If all goes as it should, it will be Kazakhstan!

In the beginning....

...There was an enormous amount of research.  Books read, websites perused, stomachaches created.   Ah, not the norm for becoming with child huh?   


Well, I have never been 100% conventional, and after quitting an all encompassing career, traveling much of the world, and moving to the town I'd always dreamed about, I decided that being a Mom was something I always wanted to do.    Much the same as many new mommys-to-be, but here's the catch with me.  I am a single girl, who is recently enough out of a relationship to realize that my child-bearing years could very well be behind me before actually finding Mr. Right.    

I went through many nights of contemplating single motherhood.   Did I think I could raise a child by myself: yes, I could.  I think I will be a great Mom.   Am I ready for it: is one ever really ready for such a life change?   Do I have time?  Finally, Yes!  Would it be fair to child?  

Now this is the big question, and I honestly do think I can provide a loving, caring household.   My family is large and will be there for me and this child.   And, unlike myself, and so many other children, my child will never have to live through divorce.     And unlike single mothers that are not by choice, I will be prepared for the issues that a single parent household can create.   

There are those out there that may disagree with my choice, just as some disagree with divorce, and I respect their choices for themselves, just as I hope you can and will respect mine.   There are many many children born into this world that will have way less in life than will be offered in my family.  Quirky or not.    So, yes!   

Speaking of children with way less that they should have, I have always been drawn to adoption.  I think it has come about through my travel to 3rd world countries, though I can't really be for sure.   I definitely feel a citizen of the world, and my upbringing and travel lend itself to feeling like adoption is right for me.     

Yes, I am still fertile, and yes I could get pregnant with a biological child.   And if my chosen path doesn't happen, I might still do that.  For now though, I have to go with my gut, and my gut says that there are millions of children out there that need a family.   

So here I go!  Boy is it a relief to finally make this decision and start moving.  

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