Will I ever date again??!

The real question is do I really care?

No, but seriously, in the 80s when I was a kid I heard quoted over and over that single women or divorcees over the age of 40 had a better chance of getting struck by lightning then getting married. Seemed logical to me. This despite the fact that after my parents divorced, they both married (happily this time, for the most part) within the following 5 years. It was my stepmom's second marriage, and my stepfather's ex-wife also quickly remarried. My childhood friend's mom married at least 4 men. My greatgrandmother, Stella, of the NYC flapper era, also managed 4 husbands. Heck, minus a person or two, everyone whom I knew as a child who got a divorce in those heady neon 80s days was remarried before I left childhood. But you know, there were those statistics, and we all know there's no refuting those hard numbers :)

And now here's my story. Before I met the most recently 'potential "THE ONE"' I had already researched adoption. As I've mentioned, I've been drawn to adoption for a very long time. The thing is, I stuffed all the adoption stuff under the mattress when I fell in love. I never even brought it up. And as life would have it, it never became an issue with us because when push came to shove nearly 3 years later, it was clear neither of us were ready for kids WITH EACH OTHER. Going through this relationship made me ready to do this on my own. If someone were to come around again, and I do hope they do someday, I will not change what I want in life to 'have this relationship'. Yes my relationship will be important, but it will not be the most important thing in my life.

And who knows, maybe with that attitude the right someones will start standing tall in the pack.

Now, truth be told, I do think for the first year or two, its going to be a no-go. I can't say for sure, but all indications are that I'm not going to have the time to *want* to go out and make small talk with a practical stranger. I think this is more than half the battle, wanting to put in the effort. Also, as I get older, growing closer to the generation that precedes me, I'm beginning to feel that many of those women who end up single through middle age are single because they don't want to settle or waste the time and they'd rather be single, doing what's really important to them, than not with the right person. So, my guess is my time will be focused on my kid, my family, and keeping my dear friends close, while making new mommy contacts locally. A few years back, this scared me a little, the thought of maybe being alone (gasp) forever! Not any longer, maybe it's the power of being firmly in my 30s!

Anyhow, despite dire predictions, and pressing time constraints, and my okay-ness with being single (gasp) forever, I do think eventually there will be some special man in my life. My mom did it in the 80s (though I think she also got struck by lightning... really), and I will be able to as well, because I believe the things that I bring to the table are worth it and attractive to others. Self confidence first among those!

And in the meantime, after nearly 20 twenty years of constant serial relationships, I'm just going to enjoy what is in my life and not worry about it for even a second. I've practically BEEN married for the last 10. Being single, truly anxiety-free single, is kinda great actually.